Fantastic Four, Hollow Man, ... Invisible People Movies in General: What's Wrong With The Invisible Man (and Woman)?

Everyone has secretly or perhaps openly fantasized about having the powers of invisibility. Whether it's just to scare people like Bill Cosby did in Ghost Dad or to wear women's make-up like Chevy Chase got to in Memoirs of an Invisible Man. Maybe you're a big creeper like that Bacon fellow in Hollow Man, or even a more socially acceptable “voyeur” like everyone who's ever watched and rewatched and rewatched Jessica Alba losing her powers in The Fantastic Four -oh, right... you don't need powers for that.

Nobody seems to think about all of the bad things about being invisible, with exception to that lonely guy in the corner of the bar. But that isn't really a “power.” There are many things that one just doesn't consider while telling the genie that your third wish is to become invisible. And that bastard won't warn you again; he'd already granted an illiterate Texan a second term, and let a 13 year old girl become a star on YouTube. Watch what you wish for...

Say you're Canadian. Or Russian. Or from Siberia. Or any country where it gets really cold, seasonally or just ever. And you'd like to frolic around invisibly. Your powers are useless, unless you want to get frostbite or die a hypothermic death running around nude. Dressing for that weather means you'll look like everybody else: Completely covered head to toe. Even if you had a snow suit that was invisible, eventually people would know you were there because of odour's wonderful way of seeming more potent in cold weather. Either way, snow floating around in the shape of a bust with footprints appearing is a give away.

Regardless of climate, the invisible community is the most clumsy group on the face of the planet. In every film, they seem to knock over every table and chair they can possibly find. And the waiters are screwed if they're carrying champagne your way, you're compelled to knock that shit all over them. This is, however, the most accurate part about invisibility that gets overlooked by movie audiences. The problem with being an invisible peeping Tom is that it's impossible to see in such a state. With complete transparency, the iris of the human eye loses it's ability to focus and flip light. And the invisible retina would no longer receive the image, it would just let it pass right through. And if it was still able to pick something up out of that, what you would see would be an incredibly blurred jumble of light from every direction with no way for your helpless brain to decode it. You'll never be able to see Ms. Alba semi-nude again. It's just not worth it.

Just sayin'.

-Mogodo

Alright... Alright...